Sunday, October 7, 2007

Moving On



I don't know how to start this blog. I've had so many feelings and thoughts swirling around inside me today that I don't know how to begin. Today was our daughter's birthday. Elizabeth would have been four years old today.

When we lost Elizabeth, we felt surrounded by the love of our family and friends. So many of them seemed to know just the right thing to say and do to touch our hearts. We appreciated that love.

Steve's boss at the time, however, came to him one day and said, "I was sorry to hear that your baby died. Um. Well. You know, these things happen, and we move on." Then he turned around and walked away.

Steve was stunned. Surgeons are known for their lack of tact, but this seemed pretty insensitive. This conversation became a running joke between us--whenever something bad would happen, we would just say "these things happen, and we move on." As time has passed, I have come to see this conversation a little differently though.

Bad things DO happen to everyone. People lose their jobs, spouses get sick, children lose their way, and sometimes we lose the people that we love. These things happen, and the only way we can heal is to keep going, to move on. Some days it is excruciatingly painful to keep going, but we have to move forward with our lives.

Steve and I felt overwhelmed by the love of our Heavenly Father at the time of Elizabeth's birth and death. As I listened to the talk given by Elder Tenorio during the Sunday afternoon conference, I understood a little how he felt when his children died. The blessings of the temple are extremely comforting. Even though it was hard to lose our child and to be faced with the possibility that we might never have children, the concept of eternal families enabled us to move forward with our lives.

At the time that Elizabeth died, I didn't want the pain to go away. I thought that if I stopped hurting, that I would forget. I was wrong. As I have "moved on" the pain has lessened, but I have not forgotten our sweet baby. Today we talked to Allison for the first time about her sister Elizabeth. We showed her the baby blanket and Elizabeth's picture and we told her that she has a sister that lives with Heavenly Father. Steve even baked a cake for Elizabeth's birthday and we had a little party. I was amazed at how much Allison understood. She was excited to have another sister and kept talking about how she has two sisters--Lindsay and Elizabeth. It was one of the sweetest experiences I have ever had.

I have rambled for too long. The bottom line is that I AM happy. Our family is happy. I would not change the experiences that we have had and I am so grateful for our blessings.

Happy Birthday little one!

14 comments:

Tricia said...

Jamie, I am greatful that you shared your feelings and experience tonight. I also thought of Elizabeth today as they talked about loosing children and the temple blessings that bind us together. We are SO lucky to understand that this life is just a temperary state and that we get to experience to much more if we live worthy of those blessings. I, like Alli, am excited to someday be introduced to the beautiful niece that I was unable to meet in this life! What an awesome experience it will be to be together again! I love ya!

Papa D said...

Beautiful, Jamie. Truly beautiful.

Shayleen Lunt said...

You just made me realize that I don't know much about you. I had no idea that you lost a baby. I am so sorry to hear that.
You are such a strong person. I don't know how I would handle that kind of loss. Happy Birthday (belated) Elizabeth.

lou said...

Dear dear Elizabeth who was brought to this world if only to be Sealed to beautiful, loving, worthy parents. Happy Birthday.
Jamie, you and Steve-the righteous parents you are, are a gift to all of us who know you. God's love is upon you and your family.

Dory said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. They have strengthened me today.

Leslie said...

I am so sorry for your loss, and I am so grateful for your faith and example. Elizabeth, Allison, and Lindsay are so lucky to have such wonderful parents.

Poulsen Family said...

Jamie, I can barely see the screen. I too am so grateful for our gospel knowledge, and thanks for the beautiful entry. Love you!

heather said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I know that is takes awhile to get to the point you are now and I'm sorry for the pain you have endured. But you really are a great example to me of enduring it well.

chelle said...

What a wonderful entry Jamie. I am so sorry for your loss. Where would we be without the gospel?!? Totally lost and in a state on constant sorrow from all the "things" we have to go through in this life. You guys are amazingly strong and wonderful parents. (((((Jamie & Gammon family))))

Mama D said...

Thanks for sharing your feelings, thoughts, and perspective. There are sorrows that the eye can't see... Your faith, trust in God, and ability to learn from such experiences and to endure well are a strength and blessing to those who know you.

:P, corrie said...

Dear Steve & Jamie,
I know from my own experience that we want the memory of our loved ones who have passed to carry on, for others to know about them and how blessed we are. What a rich experience you shared today, and thank you for doing so. Please know that thoughts and prayers of others in your behalf will continue to sustain you as they have me.
Love, Corrie

Patty said...

Jamie, I'm so sorry for your loss, and so thankful that you felt comfortable enough to share it with us here. Every time I learn something new about you I'm amazed all over again at what a wonderful and strong woman you are.

Kris said...

Well said dear daughter! We miss sweet Elizabeth, too!

Rachel said...

Jamie I look up to you so much! It's like Jesse and I are trying to walk in Steve's and your footsteps...but I don't think we'd be strong enough to endure all of the trials you have endured. You are amazing! We also look forward to meeting another of our sweet little nieces someday! Love ya.