Sunday, October 7, 2007
I don't know how to start this blog. I've had so many feelings and thoughts swirling around inside me today that I don't know how to begin. Today was our daughter's birthday. Elizabeth would have been four years old today.
When we lost Elizabeth, we felt surrounded by the love of our family and friends. So many of them seemed to know just the right thing to say and do to touch our hearts. We appreciated that love.
Steve's boss at the time, however, came to him one day and said, "I was sorry to hear that your baby died. Um. Well. You know, these things happen, and we move on." Then he turned around and walked away.
Steve was stunned. Surgeons are known for their lack of tact, but this seemed pretty insensitive. This conversation became a running joke between us--whenever something bad would happen, we would just say "these things happen, and we move on." As time has passed, I have come to see this conversation a little differently though.
Bad things DO happen to everyone. People lose their jobs, spouses get sick, children lose their way, and sometimes we lose the people that we love. These things happen, and the only way we can heal is to keep going, to move on. Some days it is excruciatingly painful to keep going, but we have to move forward with our lives.
Steve and I felt overwhelmed by the love of our Heavenly Father at the time of Elizabeth's birth and death. As I listened to the talk given by Elder Tenorio during the Sunday afternoon conference, I understood a little how he felt when his children died. The blessings of the temple are extremely comforting. Even though it was hard to lose our child and to be faced with the possibility that we might never have children, the concept of eternal families enabled us to move forward with our lives.
At the time that Elizabeth died, I didn't want the pain to go away. I thought that if I stopped hurting, that I would forget. I was wrong. As I have "moved on" the pain has lessened, but I have not forgotten our sweet baby. Today we talked to Allison for the first time about her sister Elizabeth. We showed her the baby blanket and Elizabeth's picture and we told her that she has a sister that lives with Heavenly Father. Steve even baked a cake for Elizabeth's birthday and we had a little party. I was amazed at how much Allison understood. She was excited to have another sister and kept talking about how she has two sisters--Lindsay and Elizabeth. It was one of the sweetest experiences I have ever had.
I have rambled for too long. The bottom line is that I AM happy. Our family is happy. I would not change the experiences that we have had and I am so grateful for our blessings.
Happy Birthday little one!